I’m On My Way & Doing The Work

I spent last weekend on Whidbey Island with my meditation healing circle at a grief and loss retreat. Diving deep into grief and how to let it go, or at least move the needle in that direction. This has really been my body of work since my huge ah-ha moment back in January while working with my own coach. I discovered that I was carrying a deep thought with me: "If I don't let people know how much I love them and how much they mean to me, then they will die." That came rushing out of my mouth while doing some IFS (Internal Family Systems) parts work with my coach. It was one of those memories locked deep inside that I had never really experienced or made meaning of.

For those that don't know the story, when I was 18 years old and a freshman in college I lost my father at age 39. I left the house on a Saturday morning February 18th to write a psychology paper at the library. When I left my father, at 9:30 in the morning having coffee and watching the news that day, it was one of the rare days I didn't say "I love you" to him.

For those that don't know the story, when I was 18 years old and a freshman in college I lost my father at age 39. I left the house on a Saturday morning February 18th to write a psychology paper at the library. When I left my father, at 9:30 in the morning having coffee and watching the news that day, it was one of the rare days I didn't say "I love you" to him. That was the last time I saw my father alive. My 18-year-old self made that mean something very different than the basic facts of his death.

Fast forward to today, when I recently lost my great aunt on February 22nd. Yet another day in February that I'll have to mourn. The good news is I'm on a journey right now to re-create my relationship with grief and loss, as I've experienced so much over the years since I was 18.

I'm on quite the ride and it's pretty exciting to be in action around changing your beliefs about grief and how to honor and mourn all those you've lost. This retreat has already been amazing. On Friday we began by introducing the pictures we brought of who we are currently mourning on the death altar. I brought pictures of my dad and my Aunt Gail. We asked the question "How has loss impacted your life?" followed by an intense meditation focused on drawing how grief feels in our body. Now this one really hit me and got me stuck. I wasn't sure. All I could feel and think of was an image of a broken heart with a dark cloud around it and all the names of those that I've been mourning over the years.

I'm on my way and doing the work. And I'm happy to share and discuss what I'm learning if anyone needs that support for themselves. Stay tuned for more on this adventurous, emotional journey!